


i don't care what happens to you (that's a lie)

by jocelynfray



Category: The 100
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-24
Updated: 2015-05-24
Packaged: 2018-04-01 00:42:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3999397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jocelynfray/pseuds/jocelynfray
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Abby Griffin wasn't supposed to mean anything to Raven Reyes, she was just supposed to be a way to get to the boy she loved. Funny how things work out isn't it?</p>
            </blockquote>





	i don't care what happens to you (that's a lie)

**Author's Note:**

> based off of [this](http://annaclaresawyer.tumblr.com/post/116860570121/au-where-abby-and-raven-develop-feelings-for-each)

Raven tapped her foot impatiently as she stood in line at the med center. She wasn't actually sick, she just had to tell Abby she couldn't get the part. No matter how much she cared for the woman she wouldn't lower herself like that, but she also didn't want to disappoint her. As she'd worked on the pod these past few days, she'd gotten to know Abby better and no longer thought of her as a stuck up Council woman. She genuinely cared about _everyone_ , no matter their station, and she'd never seen someone love their daughter as much as Abby loved hers. Not to mention the fact that she was beautiful, and not just on the inside. She didn't strike Raven as someone who cared about her appearance, she wasn't trying to look attractive which only added to the appeal in Raven's eyes. _'Get it together Reyes, you have a boyfriend you shouldn't be thinking about a woman you barely know'_.

But it didn't _feel_ as if she barely knew her. She felt a connection between them, and despite their class differences they understood each other so well. Raven knew her feelings, whether it was just a silly crush or something else, would never be reciprocated, and that was okay with her. She was content to just be Abby's friend (and sometimes at night when she was in her bunk, fantasize about them being more than friends).

She was jolted back to the present when Abby came out, and she coughed loudly into her fist to get her attention. Abby turned to her, walking over and shining a flashlight in her eyes. "Come with me." she said, pulling Raven by the arm to the makeshift med center, saying to everyone else still waiting "I'll just be a minute." Once inside, she had to keep up the ruse of the checkup, which meant lots of touching and coughing (and whenever Abby touched her, she was hyperaware of what it felt like, and she hated herself for wanting more whenever Abby stopped touching her). 

After the 'examination', Abby turned to the doctor that was with her (Jackson?), saying he'd have to take over while Abby checked Raven over more thoroughly (Abby's choice of wording sent Raven's mind to dirty places that were only heightened when Abby led her out with her hand on her back). She figured the unnecessary contact was just something the woman did with all her patients, she wasn't about to give herself false hope that her feelings might be returned.

Once they were in the pod room, Abby turned to her, stepping a bit away from her looking her in the eyes. "Did you get it?" she asked, hopeful, and Raven hated herself for what she had to say next.

"No, I'm sorry. Nygel wouldn't give it to me." She didn't want to get into what she'd wanted her to do in exchange for the part.

"We need that part to get to Earth." Abby said, sounding frustrated.

"I know that, and I'm sorry. Nygel wanted me to-"

Abby cut her off, saying "It doesn't matter, I'll take care of it." before making her way to the door.

Raven grabbed her arm, stopping her from leaving the room and she was surprised when Abby didn't immediately pull away from her, from what she'd seen of the woman she didn't like anyone touching her suddenly, or at all, save that doctor she always worked with. "What are you going to do?" she asked, looking into Abby's eyes.

"The less you know, the better." Abby replied with a smirk, shaking off Raven's loose hold on her arm and leaving the room. Raven smiled, remembering saying those very words to Abby this morning.

 

Raven sighed as Abby paced back and forth in the pod room. "How about I pace in the ER when you're working Abby?" she said when the pacing got too distracting.

"Sorry, it's just we don't have as much time as we were supposed to and-"

"I get it, Ab. I'll get it done." The casual use of a nickname surprised Raven, she'd never called her anything but Abby before. Abby didn't look surprised by it so she just let it be.

Suddenly the hollipad crackled to life and that doctor Abby worked with spoke to her, Raven didn't catch what he said, only that Abby looked even more panicked when he signed off. Raven turned to her, concerned.

"How much longer do you need to get this running?" Abby asked, an edge in her voice.

"Ten minutes tops, why?"

"We might not have that much time. Kane's on his way." she said, worry apparent in her voice. 

"It's okay, I'll get it done." she said, looking at the pod worriedly as Abby turned away from her, her back facing her. In truth, Raven was terrified she'd fail and they'd both be floated.

Abby turned her her, her eyes set, saying "Only one of us needs to make it to the ground."

Raven's heart plummeted at those words, looking at her with panic in her eyes, saying "I'm not going without you." And she meant it, if that meant dying with her she'd do it.

Abby sighed, walking over to her with a look that said she'd already accepted her fate. "Three hundred people will die if you don't make it to the ground."

Raven swallowed hard, reality setting in. There was no fixing this problem, it wasn't like the fucking pod. "Abby...they'll float you." she said, voice uncharacteristically small.

"Then they'll float me." Abby said, voice like steel and Raven was overcome with emotion for the woman in front of her. _'Fuck it, she's going to die anyway'_ she thought, leaning forward and capturing Abby's lips with hers, kissing her with everything she had and trying to convey the depth of her feelings for the woman. Abby was unresponsive at first (as Raven expected she would be. She'd be shoved off her any second no doubt), but after a moment she began to kiss back, and Raven was surprised but grateful. She didn't even care that Abby might have been doing this out of pity, or as a bit of comfort before the end, until she felt her hands on her hips as Abby pulled her closer, kissing her deeper as her tongue slipped into Raven's mouth and okay, maybe this wasn't a pity kiss. They broke apart after a few more seconds, looking into each other's eyes as Abby's hands fell from her hips. Raven didn't know what to say, so she gathered the woman into a hug, holding her close and trying not to think about how that might have been the best first-last kiss she'd ever had. She closed her eyes as she rested her head on Abby's shoulder, focusing on the feeling of Abby's arms around her and as long as her eyes were closed this wasn't really happening.

Abby pulled back after a few moments, looking all business again. "You launch that pod no matter what. Three hundred people will die if you don't." she said, pausing before adding "Tell Clarke I love her, please." and Raven nodded before going back to work on the pod, not wanting to see Abby leave.

Once the pod was finished, and her spacesuit was on (all because of Nygel and that fucking faulty part), she waited an extra ten seconds before blasting off. She didn't have time to think about Abby, she was so focused on making sure she didn't die. Once she'd stabilized herself however, she allowed herself to think of her and tears leaked down her cheeks as she thought of the woman being floated at this very moment. She could still feel her lips on hers, her arms around her and she felt like a part of her was dying with Abby. She couldn't remember the Traveler's Blessing, so she said her own goodbye to Abby.  
"I love you." she said to the stars as she fell down to Earth, and she hoped somehow, Abby knew that.

The first few days on Earth had been hell. First she discovers that the boy she risked her life for (although in the end it was less about him and more about _her_ ) had cheated on her with none other that the daughter of the woman she'd kissed (which was ironic if she thought of it. She'd technically cheated on Finn with Clarke's mom just as he'd cheated on her with Clarke). Then, the radio is destroyed by fucking Bellamy Blake, and the flares they'd sent up hadn't saved the three hundred innocents. And now, as if the universe was against her, Finn had been stabbed by a Grounder and was dying, and her only way of saving him was contacting the Ark. Luckily, she patched herself through, now she just needed to speak with Abby (she hoped she was still alive, she _had_ to be).

"Put me on with Doctor Abby Griffin, I need to speak with Doctor Abby Griffin." she said, making sure to speak clearly despite the pounding of her heart.

"Raven, I'm sorry, but Abby was floated a few days ago." said Jaha, and it was as if the world stopped. She hadn't known how much she'd hoped Abby was alive until this moment. She shook her head, pushing down the pain and said "Well I need a doctor, get me any fucking doctor." she snapped, voice hard. It was Kane's fault she was dead, hell, it was Jaha's fault. She pushed herself away from the radio, letting Clarke communicate with the doctor Abby was always with (Jackson, that was his name), and sat by Finn's side, gripping his hand tight. She only allowed herself to focus on him, she couldn't think of Abby right now.

After the knife was out, Clarke deduced that it had been poisoned, and went up to get information from the Grounder. After sitting here for what seemed like ages, unable to do anything but watch the boy she loved start seizing, she went up to the higher level and did what needed to be done.  
"He's all I have!" she screamed at the Grounder as she jolted him with more electricity, and that was even more true now, because Abby was _dead_ , and if Finn died too she didn't know if she'd be able to go on.

She didn't pay attention as Octavia got the antidote, it was all a blur to her. She collapsed in the bunk beside Finn, exhausted by the day's events. Clarke woke her up, saying Finn asked for her and she grabbed his hand, smiling at him. "I thought I'd lost you." she said, burying her face in his neck and breathing him in. At least Finn was still alive, at least she wasn't alone.

After a few days Finn was able to go back to their tent (well, his-turned-theirs) and the reality of Abby being dead, that she'd never see her again crashed down around her. She curled up into a ball in their tent and just sobbed into the blankets. Finn rubbed her back, and she knew he didn't know what was wrong, he couldn't. No one did.

"She's gone Finn. She-she's _gone_ and I'll never see her again." she sobbed, sitting up and hugging him, burying her face in his shoulder.

He continued to rub her back, not saying anything, and once the tears subsided and she pulled back from the hug, he said "I didn't know you two were that close."

"Yeah...didn't start out that way, but breaking the law together kind of binds you to someone." She couldn't tell him how she felt about Abby, he wouldn't understand. No one would, except maybe Clarke but she couldn't tell her for obvious reasons.

She forced a smile, wiping her eyes. "I'll be okay in a few days, just let me grieve." She wouldn't really be okay, but she could fake it. Besides, she could tell he (and everyone else) was more focused on Clarke's pain than hers. After all, Clarke had lost a mother and Raven had lost a...something. She had lost a something and her heart wouldn't stop hurting. As far as she was concerned she'd never be okay again.


End file.
